Big Love

Standing up for me

I didn’t really want to ask my ex for help but I went against my better judgment and asked.

He was at my place to do said favor, when I noticed things quickly going south. I was getting quieter and smaller with each comment and action.

I had a moment alone when I realized I had two choices. Do nothing and suffer. Or speak up for myself.

I chose to speak up. I found myself saying “I don’t allow people to treat me this way anymore. So you can be respectful or you can leave.” He left.

I was shaken, but also fine with having to problem solve the task myself. Instead of feeling helpless I felt empowered. In fact, a friend joined me and we ended up having a good time and did a good job too. I resolved to stick with my judgment in the future.

That line, “I don’t allow people to treat me that way anymore” comes back to me here and there. When anger is signaling that something is off, I remember it. I also speak up more often.

This is the journey of reclaiming my power.

A few weeks ago I spent a misty morning in the redwood forest and I sat for awhile against a giant old growth tree. It was massive, beautiful, and so strong. Sitting there I noticed the grounding energy of the tree, the stability the trunk gave to the massive branches, and the ability to make its food with all the needles. I now carry that symbol of strength with me and conjure it in my mind at times when I need it. It reminds me to stand tall, firm, and stately.

The undertaking of a new action brings new strength.

Richard Evans