Big Love

Predictable heartbreak

There is a radio show that exposes Bay Area cheaters, in what is dubbed the Love Trap.

The premise is pretty simple. Someone who suspects that their partner is cheating calls the show. The radio hosts then call the partner under the guise of being a new floral shop in town that is trying to get their name out there. The offer: free flowers for themselves, or to send to someone of their choice. When they choose to send to someone else, they can even send a short message on a card.

What is insane, is that it works – over and over again.

At first the caller is suspicious and skeptical, however this is usually fleeting, once they understand that the offer is “free” and to “get the floral shop’s name out there.”

I wonder, is this just gullibility? Or is it someone seeing the world through rose colored glasses (fueled by new love or the rush of an affair)?

Because what happens is, the person is like, oh great! Here is the name and message…and then the radio host is like, ohhh…I’m not a florist. And then the slighted and heartbroken partner is like How could you do this to Me?? And at least one person’s morning is ruined.

In the book Duped: Truth Default Theory and the Social Science of Lying and Deception, author Timothy R. Levine reveals a key principal that humans use every day, truth default. https://timothy-levine.squarespace.com/duped-new-book

From Levine’s website:

The basic idea of TDT is that when we communicate with other people, honesty is the default. People are honest unless they have a reason not to be, and people believe others unless suspicion is triggered. We not only tend to believe others, but the very thought that maybe we shouldn’t does not even come to mind. This is a good thing for two reasons. First, and most important, the truth-default is needed for communication to function. Second, most people are mostly honest most of the time. But, the truth-default makes us vulnerable to deception. Fortunately, there are “triggers” that can break us out of our default-to-honest mindset and enable lie detection. TDT covers how this works and why.

Back to the Love Trap morning radio show bit. The irony here is worth pointing out. The deceiver is being deceived into revealing their infidelity. Truth Default Theory is being used to hide their affair from their partner every day. It is also why they believe a random caller is a florist.

Ultimately, understanding motives and behaviors can make life less personal and give perspective. I questioned why someone doubting the faithfulness of a partner would go to such lengths as to call the Love Trap. The need to know must subvert societal norms and privacy, as it is live on air. Without the show, would the truth come to light? Probably eventually. Levine describes the fact that most lies are discovered after the fact, with evidence, questioning, and time.

How People Really Detect Lies • Outside (Levine’s) deception lab in everyday life, most lies are detected after-the-fact based on either confessions or the discovery of some evidence showing that what was said was false.  Very few lies are detected in real time based only on the passive observation of sender nonverbal behavior.