Big Love

And other somewhat pithy life advice, particularly on stuff

Part of my growth post separation was getting my autonomy back. One place this needed to heal was trusting myself to select what items – and style and color – with which to surround myself with at home.

Nature Abhors a Vacuum

At first, I resisted anything that felt like my old life. The ceramic dishes I loved from Heath, nope. I tried hard to find a new replacement that held no associations of the past.

Sure, I had loved parts of my old life. I was proud of the home that we had built together over the years. But looking back I noticed that there had been undercurrents that disturbed me. Once I bought a cheese board, a beautiful stone one, and brought it home. Only to be admonished for not getting approval beforehand. I felt confined.

They say nature abhors a vacuum.

This must be true, as my mostly empty flat soon filled to the gills with stuff. Much of it was kid stuff – but not all of it. I like living in small spaces that require you to have a place for everything, to have only what you need, and to let something go in order to make room for the new. Knowing that clearing out can bring more in can be a helpful tool.

Stop Falling to Empty

Recently, I read Outer Order, Inner Calm by Gretchen Rubin, she is famous for authoring the book The Happiness Project. Her book is one of many in the tidying genre that I have read. I read these books to remind myself of how to tidy, to gain motivation, and to see what jumps out at me in the moment.

For example, I re-assessed my dresser. Though mostly organized, I had let two drawers divert into organization on the bottom, junk on top. It was only junk because I did not have a place for it, so in it went.

What jumped out at me was a passage about not letting yourself fall into empty. Rubin says, “Keep cash in the house. Keep gas in your tank. Keep extra rolls of toilet paper. Keep your phone charged…” As I tend to use things up and then replace them, I like the idea of forming a new, no empty habit.

All You Need is Less

Once I saw a hand-painted driftwood sign that read, “All you need is less.” Ironically, it was for sale. Ahh. Though I did not buy it, the message comes to me here and there. Taken to minimalism, less can literally mean almost nothing. For me, it reminds me to live in a space where I am not trapped by my belongings and it also tells me to really think a purchase through. This was especially difficult while shopping this holiday season.

By giving something up, you may gain.

Gretchen Rubin, “Manifesto”

If Not Now, When?

The end of one year and the opportunities that a new year represents often inspires me to reset my home. This can be a deep cleaning, dusting, window cleaning, wiping down my front door, etc. Or it can be a letting go of the old, the too small, the broken items. I find that reassessing my belongings allows me to change more easily, as the old is not weighing me down.

I have a tray that holds herbal tinctures. The last time I used one, I noticed that the remedy had become more of a questionable mirk. They had served the purpose and it was time to note the expiration. Not to sound obsessive, but the end of the year for me is a good time to take an honest accounting of what I am surrounding myself with. The saying “If not now, when?” comes to mind, especially when I don’t really want to do a chore.

At the end of the day, I feel stronger and happier because I am empowered to act. Motivation and willpower, well that is up to me. Sometimes I have to dig deep to accomplish a task and other times it flows easily. An object in motion remains in motion.