Big Love

Sometimes the past pays a call

They say some of the hardest words to speak are “I love you” and “I was wrong.” Is it just me or is it a bit ironic that these often go hand in hand?

The other day I was haunted by ghosts of a relationship past. Visceral ghosts connected with actions I took while holiday shopping, and intangible ghosts in the form of past holiday memories.

Has the ghost of Christmas relationships past come a-knocking?

We can all relate in some way to The Christmas Carol and its protagonist Scrooge. We get set in our crotchety ways, we resist change, we think we are the only one that matters, or money as it was in the miser Scrooge’s mind. None of us want to end up as Scrooge does, on Christmas, alone, unhappy, and with no purpose other than taking from others. Meanwhile, Scrooge’s employee Bob Cratchit has a very sick son Tiny Tim who may not make it, but even so, the Cratchit’s have something Scrooge could never buy – love. Enter the three ghosts – the ghost of Christmas Past, the ghost of Christmas present, and the ghost of Christmas Future (Yet to Come).

“Come in, — come in! and know me better, man! I am the Ghost of Christmas Present. Look upon me! You have never seen the like of me before!”

A Christmas Carol

I have had my visit from the ghost of Christmas Past. The ghost of Christmas present is next. I wonder what will be revealed? And what of my ghost of Christmas Future? Am I, like Scrooge, to die alone, eaten by Alsatians, just as Bridget Jones feared?

Perhaps this is all just arising because it is the holidays and I am single. This is what the media might tell me. But looking back on my life, Christmas was never so lonely and miserly as when I was in a relationship that had become a bond in name only. And now I see that was the warning from the ghost of Christmas to Come, cautioning me, did I truly want to feel this dead while still alive?

Looking back on our lives we call it hindsight. This can only be done after an event, and ironically, we use it to judge the present. Statements such as “I should have known there was someone else,” or “I wasn’t as attractive as I once was so that must be why he lost interest” are the shackles and chains of past ghosts. The ghosts in The Christmas Carol are supposed to be on our side, are supposed to be helpful even if in a demonic way. Statements may be in need of some rephrasing to these suggestions: “Too bad he was unable to be accountable for his own actions,” or “My confidence took a hit after I had children and was treated differently,” both land with less sting.

I am also going to welcome the remaining ghosts as this aligns with the spirit of Christmas. There is no more room for fear or greed, only room enough for love. Love is the essence of Christmas, and that is why the ghosts are summoned, in order to remind us of what is important. Here, here!