Big Love

When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it – Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Love, find me. I’m ready, or ready enough.

I had a bad scare recently that caused me to reflect on my life while also examining death.

What would I regret if I was no longer able to pursue the things I cared about? Being present to raise and care for my children was a core theme. The other was wanting to know a deeper, true love. A best friend.

This experience aided me in finding the courage to know and say that I am ready for love. Which led me to saying yes to things such as a book I had overlooked at a cute bookstore, titled all about love by bell hooks. It was like hearing an educated future me speak to the me of 2025 about love and finding it.

Some passages that spoke to me included:

Indeed, those among us who have been hurt, disappointed, disillusioned must open our hearts if we want love to enter. That act of opening is a way of seeking love. (p.180)

As long as we are afraid to risk we can not know love. Hence the truism: “Love is letting go of fear” (p.185-6).

…Most people remain reluctant to embrace the idea that it is more genuine, more real, to think of choosing to love rather than falling in love (p.172).

Most people want a partner who is “mature and intelligent, loyal and trustworthy, loving and attentive, sensitive and open, kind and nurturant, competent and responsible” (p. 172)

hooks writes that some people get caught up in the getting of the partner, rather than in falling in love so it is important to evaluate our needs, wants, and values.

How different things might be if, rather than saying “I think I’m in love,” we were saying, “I’ve connected with someone in a way that makes me think I’m on the way to knowing love.” Or if instead of saying “I am in love” we said “I am loving” or “I will love.” (p. 177)

hooks addresses the idea that true love will find you when you are ready. The idea is that you can’t find it, it will find you if it is meant to be. She believes true love exists and that it is magic when it occurs. But you can also look for it. You do this by opening your heart.

In the spirit of being ready for love, I signed up for a live love event. Offered through Hay House, the two hour event features author Case Kenny, alongside Jillian Turecki and Yung Pueblo. The event is part of the promotion of Kenny’s new book The Opposite of Settling (https://www.amazon.com/Opposite-Settling-Everything-Without-Losing/dp/1401995918/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0).

Would this two hour event really lead me, as advertised, to stop shrinking, hiding, or trying to fit into relationships that leave me feeling unfulfilled? I’m open to finding out.

A secret to happiness is to be as weird as you like and the wrong people will leave the party but the right ones will join the dance.

– Case Kenny