Big Love

Hey…You 😉 as the new pick up line

In Hawaii, women wear a plumeria flower behind the right ear if they are single and the left ear if they are taken.

In Spain, people go to the shopping market and place an upside down pineapple in the cart if they are single and want to meet others.

These signals help let others know if they are wanting to meet other single people, and at times I wish they applied where I live.

Yes, we still have the furtive glance down at the hand to spot a wedding ring, but this requires some proximity and can be awkward.

Recently it came to my attention that I had let my flirting muscles atrophy.

Once, trying to flirt I aimed to channel Samantha from Sex and the City, when what transpired was more Elaine on the dance floor from Seinfeld. (IYKYK)

Today I say no to awkwardness around attractive single men and yes to confidence.

I can do this. I’ve seen several single people my age find love either for the first time or again. I have a neighbor who fell in love in her late 50’s, and watching this adorable couple tell me about their love story inspired me.

Flirting is top of mind as it seems like a precursor to a date.

Just what is flirting behavior?

Vanessa Van Edwards, was the guest on an episode of Diary of a CEO and she addressed flirting. She stated that when people think they are being obvious about flirting and sending the I am interested signal to someone, they were no where near the number of signals it took to get someone to figure that out. I realized I was going to need a happy medium because a) I am not often in a place with single people, and b) I am not sure I could send someone close to 30 signals without turning bright red and giving up and shooting, “Oy, you! Cute guy with the hat!”

A study found that it takes sending 29 cues to a person for them to realize you are signaling availability.

Vanessa Van Edwards

On Instagram, Liz Rose gives insights based on psychology and body language into topics such as “How to tell if someone is attracted to you using body language” which listed they: tilt their head when looking at you, they get lost gazing at your face, their breathing becomes shallower, they adjust clothes, and part lips slightly when looking at you.

Mutual attraction looks like this (according to Liz Rose)

• genuine curiosity, they don’t just talk about themselves and they remember what you say
• sublte leaning in, natural move closer
• echoing your laughter, bonding in real time
• lingering presence, they don’t rush to leave

All of this had me wondering if this actually had to be instinct, because I think if I was actively working to do some of these I’d likely be removed from the moment.

Ironically, showing presence and engagement is a top flirting move.

Other Flirting cues include:

Quick eye brow lift

Self touch, to hair, or neck, or lips.

Three second gaze

Head tilt and neck exposure

Upon reflection, I admitted, yes, I want to know flirting behavior. I also want the ability to analyze a recent interaction with a man from the perspective of was I flirting – was he? Like reviewing a scene from an omnipotent point of view, where I was the love interest.

The argument for self awareness exists for meeting people in day-to-day interactions, and there are many courses on applying it in the workplace as well as in dating.

What I can say is that knowing what cues to look for has made my observations of people in general more astute and fun.

Let nature be your guide.