Big Love

What I’ve learned through my separation

One day I was packing my bags and heading out into a land with new and unknown challenges to navigate. I had no idea what obstacles and challenges I would confront in the next two years. I wish I had a map that would have helped me to navigate and proactively meet these challenges.

What I wish I knew then…

1. Relationship troubles? There are therapists who help couples at various stages of a relationship. I found one who helped people rekindle and set new goals, with alignment in a couple being emphasized. It was too late for my relationship to benefit. So we used a mediator who gave us goals and assignments.
2. Stay or go? Not sure if your relationship will make it or if you want to end things, there are marriage and family therapists who specialize in discernment.
3. Separating with kids? Seek a family law lawyer to help with custody, child support, and any other matters. Most counties also provide child support services. There are Marriage and Family Therapists who specialize in working with coparents, coparent apps such as Our Family Wizard, and setting family plans in place. (https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/)
4. Document everything. Sounds silly and time consuming. It is time consuming but also necessary. Especially in regards to custody, medical issues, child support cases, and other concerns.
5. You are not alone. Not the first and not the last, learn from others. Books, support groups, therapy, free resources. The more you know the more power you weld.
6. Mapping a new future. There are life and career coaches who specialize in working with people going through transition, such as separation and divorce. You can still dream and take action.
7. Can’t go it alone. Ask for help. With the kids, with keeping an ear out for a new home, whatever it is. No one can do it all alone. Not for long anyways.

One day I hope to look back on this era with enlightenment. Right now I am just in it. But I keep going, one step and day at a time.

What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery