Big Love

Ready for men

I don’t want to make the same mistake again. I’ve learned the lesson and now I aspire to a higher love.

So I have been preparing.

I have done, and am still doing, work on myself. I want to learn from my mistakes so that I need not make them anymore. Thank you, next.

My main challenge, aside from meeting someone, is to not jump into codependency, anxious attachment, and commitment. I can get drawn to fantasies about the future I could have with someone, and this is a habit I need to release. According to attachment theory, for those of us in the world with anxious attachment styles, we must follow this simple rule.

Date multiple people at once.

The premise is that it will stop you from forming an attachment too quickly, give you perspective by looking out for red flags, and not put all the eggs in one basket.

The thing is, this scares me a lot.

But, in the name of love, I’m going to try it. That is how much I don’t want history to repeat itself.

My game plan is multi fold. When I am ready I will join a new dating app. Again, a bit scary. But I’m going to aim to find dates on it. Then, I’m not going to be exclusive until I decide (assuming they do too). This will have a multiple month timeline. I plan to let anyone I date to know where I stand. Lastly, I aim to take a lighthearted and open perspective to the whole thing.

Ultimately I want a partner and best friend who is aligned with my goals, attuned, kind, positive, humorous, good with kids, has a handle on life, and has self knowledge. Who also matches my chemistry.

If I don’t find it, I’m good being single.

If I do find it, well, I’m going to revel in it, soak it in, and put effort into sustaining it.