Big Love

Finding the way back to me

Forgive and Forget

I have two young children with my ex partner. We are separated now and so the day will pass as an unremarkable one.

rebuiltandreconstructed

June 18, 2023

Wisdom on forgiveness

Today is Father’s Day 2023. I was blessed to have a really good father in my life. This year marks a decade since he passed.

I have two young children with my ex partner. We are separated now and so the day will pass as an unremarkable one. The children are with him and he may be celebrating with his new girlfriend and her family. Or, who knows? This potentially painful reality exists.

Spiritual teacher Adi Da wrote on the topic of forgiveness. The lesson was to forgive others, and that if you could not do that, then forget. Forget them, the wrong. Stop carrying it and giving it attention, thereby energy. Then do something else.

This lesson on forgiveness stuck with me, and has served as a compass in times of need.

Another important tool in the process of release is the ceremony of the letter. My art therapist has guided me in this practice. It works when you write someone a letter and put all the emotion, hurt, anger, grief, whatever it is, into this letter. Go for it without censorship. But you do this knowing that you will never send this letter. After your are finished, you ceremonially burn the letter, bury it, or rip it into tiny shreds. I have felt noticeably lighter after doing this.

Lastly, self forgiveness is a balm to regret, shame, and blame. One method to do this is simple. Taking a deep breath and placing your hands over your heart, you acknowledge that you did the best you could at the time. I like to use the Buddhist prayer at this time. Taking in a breath, I say “May all beings be safe/happy/kind/loved.” Breathe out. Then with another breath, “May (choose an individual, it does not have to be the wrong doer, but can, I usually state a family member) be safe. Breathe out. Third breathe in, “May all beings be safe.” This resents my mindset from fear to love.

If love is love, then that is all it is. The bars I’m behind are only in your mind. No prison to me. No prison to me.
No Prison, from Threads 2016 by Tamarind Free Jones