Big Love

One day I realized no one was coming to save me

As author Mel Robbins said on Instagram, “No one is coming to save you.” I had to save myself. Even if someone was coming, what I needed was something only I could provide. The first thing I had to do was to know my own wants and needs. Next I needed humility and accountability, to take ownership for my part in the actions that led to the separation. I was not a blameless victim here. I had to be willing to look in the mirror.

This is where art therapy was useful. I had not participated in therapy until this year. Suddenly I found myself with a trained art therapist and a trained mediator, both of who were trained marriage and family therapists, or MFTs. Admittedly I wanted none of this, it was both time and cost expensive. It was uncomfortable. But I was desperate and I was driven to change the state I found myself in, so I did it. I tried to embrace it. The MFTs said jump, l jumped. They said sit down and be quiet, I did that. (No therapist would actually use these terms, fyi).

I got the meditation app. I read multiple books that were recommended. I journaled. I vision boarded. I did more self care. I did art therapy art, which was outside of my comfort zone but also helpful. All of this I did in order to save myself. Here are the books and mediation app that were recommended to me:

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown.

Insight Timer app

The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor

Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson

Learning more about relationships informed me as I stepped into 2022. I kept the momentum as I worked to understand what the hell was going on and how I got here. These books led me to more books: Sex, Love, and Marriage From the Middle Ages to the Enlightenment by The Great Courses with Jennifer McNabb; The Five Second Rule by Mel Robbins; The State of Affairs by Esther Perel; The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz; Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant; and The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion.