Big Love

Sometimes things reach rock bottom

I am finding my way after a recent separation that left me lost. This impacted me in other ways as well, I noticed my health took a turn downwards, away from the healthy surface of normalcy. I had lost something else, my ability to handle stress was completely gone.

I didn’t see myself as an anxious person, but I had become one. I no longer recognized myself in the mirror. I lost weight, my appetite always healthy before had decided to come and go. Coffee, a daily staple, was undrinkable due to the effect of it on my system. It even tasted different. I saw an acupuncturist who tested points on my legs for adrenal depletion, which can happen when the body is in fight or flight for long periods. I started taking adrenal support, and tried to rest, drink lots of water, and eat protein often. I also used Bach flower remedies for nervous tension.

But the hits kept coming all year. It was humbling. And I realized that stress had taken it out of me. Stress from the pandemic, from a failing relationship, working full-time, having a toddler, parenting, and more. A year later I would feel pretty much the same, and my body did too.

The saying to put your own oxygen mask on first is appropriate. But it was like I had forgotten how to put it on. I had prioritized ensuring that everyone else had a working mask. It wasn’t a conscious decision, but I was living it out. And now I needed to show up for myself. I have plans to live a long life, to be healthy and active, to be there for my kids, and this would require me to put some focus on my own health. Like it or not.