Big Love

There is a book called Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies: And Other Rituals to Fix Your Life, From Someone Who’s Been There by Tara Schuster.

The 2020 book published by The Dial Press was on the shelves at Barnes and Noble and the title got my attention one day. Though I did not buy the book at the time, the idea behind the title stuck with me.

If I’m being honest, I actually remembered the title as Buy the F*cking Tulips. At my local grocers, they have flowers for sale at the front of the store, so walking in to buy groceries I would consider buying flowers for my home, and poof – the title would often just pop into my mind. Whether I bought any flowers, I laughed silently to myself.

I almost always loved buying the lilies, tulips, roses (my favorite, bonus if they had a scent), the mixed bouquet, or on rarer occasion, lilacs and tuberose (also love, but pretty rare or seasonal). I always enjoyed arranging them in a vase and then placing it to be enjoyed – by the kitchen sink, or next to my bed, or often on the kitchen table.

I’ve started to wonder how the metaphor of flowers might be applied to other areas of life. The idea of giving yourself something or creating a ritual for yourself is one of the ways life becomes defined and then meaningful. The inherent beauty of a flower is noteworthy, Marie Kondo is a big fan. She used to buy a single Gerber daisy for the life and color it gave her space, as described in Kondo’s 2014 book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. Note: the vibe that dead or dying flowers emit is definitely not uplifting or sparking joy.

Gazing at my Christmas tree lit up and decorated, illuminating the room, this idea applies. Whether the tree is live or imitation, the act of making space for the tree in the home and then decorating it is a ritual. I’m finding some calm in cultivating the rituals I wish to make space for as I redefine what I want and value.